The Daly Gem
Meg Daly is a Life and Career Coach who works with individuals on achieving results and becoming the best version of themselves. You can learn more about her services at www.coachmegdaly.com.
How often do we overextend ourselves and try to "make things right" for everyone to the detriment of our own peace of mind, happiness, and sometimes safety?
Yesterday my dog Birdie and I were on our morning walk, going over our gratitude lists when we came across three large chunks of clear glass on the city sidewalk downtown. Of course I immediately stopped and began picking them up for fear of my Birdie girl getting hurt as well as our little canine friends in the neighborhood! Since Karma is a lot of how we react to things I certainly didn't want to step over that mess:)
It felt really good to take the time to clear away what might cause someone else harm...until I looked down the sidewalk a few feet. Overwhelm set in when I began to see MANY more small, medium, and large shards of glass, clearly too many to hold in my hand without the risk of a cut.
For a few moments, I defaulted to my familiar zone of making everything "right," sacrificing my own needs, and in this case the safety of my hands (!!!) in order to protect others.
But something in me stopped and thought, "Ok, this is crazy. I can choose something different... and by the way great content for tomorrow's Gem!"
The "choosing something different thought" was this:
"Hey, don't other dog owners have the responsibility of making sure their dogs don't walk on the broken glass? Why do I have to be the "sidewalk broken shards of glass savior" picking up every single piece!"
The light went off that this was indeed a metaphor for life.
So I considered the following...
Is it wise to continue picking up the "shards of glass" to the point where I risk my hands bleeding?
How can I negotiate this situation?
(At this point I am sure the neighbors were wondering what the heck I was doing...)
So I came up with a compromise... and grabbed as much as I could safely in one hand, held the leash in the other, and proceeded to sweep with my shoe the multitude of other shards into the flower bed praying that in the spring new soil would be poured over and no one would be hurt :)
Some of you may be reading this saying "OMG Meg... this is OVER THE TOP.... just walk over the dang glass!"
Or others might be thinking it was irresponsible of me to sweep them away.
Maybe both are true... but my hope is this little story sticks as a reminder to control what you can control, take 100% responsibility for you, and allow others (in a loving and supportive way) to take responsibility for what is theirs to take responsibility for.
P.S. If you are like me, it's easy to fall into the trap of taking over responsibility for someone else's "shards of glass" (aka "issues, problems, and drama")... and why is it easy? In a way it's an escape from the shards of glass, which need to be addressed in our own lives.
Isn't it easier to listen for hours to our friends’ issues rather than look within to our own?
Isn't it easier to give advice to a friend than to take it?
Isn't it tempting to dive into gossip as a numbing mechanism against our own "stuff?"
And isn't it so gratifying to come to the rescue of others while ignoring the deep need to come to the rescue of ourselves?
So the next time you come upon different "shards of glass,” stop and ask yourself:
How much "giving" right now is healthy?
Is there anything I am turning away from in my own life that makes their "stuff" so tempting?
Have a great weekend,
Quick... Think of 2-3 situations in your life where someone has REALLY triggered you. Now, pick 2-3 words to describe your impression of that person in those situations and write the words down. (Maybe it's cruel, sensitive, overbearing, rude, controlling or cold.)
Do you see a pattern? Do you see one word more than once?
Recently someone really triggered me and I thought, "Dang! I thought I was over this!" ... because I am usually the one telling my friend, client or family member "oh that person who pushed your buttons is really just a life teacher for you." So easy to say... not always easy to believe when it's at your own doorstep!
My initial reaction I must admit wasn't, "Hmmm, let me see what this wonderful person is teaching me." Instead it was "blame... blame...blame" thrown in with a few dramatic calls to a trusted friend.
All of that felt deliciously gratifying in the short term...but about a day or so later I was forced to "go there" and admit that perhaps I was not looking at this through the correct lens.
Fortunately, I too have a coach... who doesn't hold back with how she challenges me. The word I landed on was "narcissistic" when I described my "trigger person."
She then asked, "Meg, what would you say if someone called you narcissistic?"
"Ummmm... I would be seriously devastated" was my response.
Next question... "So where are you narcissistic in your life?"
Double take again..."Me??? Narcissistic? No way, not for a second, I am too nice, blah blah blah..."
Have you heard of "shadow parts?" These are parts of ourselves we push down and hide. The unfortunate part about doing this is those qualities within ourselves that we disown are exactly the ones that keep showing up in others who trigger us. It's like the universe is saying, "I am going to keep knocking until you listen!"
What I discovered was that I try to negate parts of myself that are anything but "nice, kind, generous, and sweet." The problem with that is it can lead to saying a "yes" when the situation calls for a "no," giving and not receiving, doing too much for everyone else ... in essence the "doormat syndrome."
On the flip side, when we embrace those "shadow parts" of ourselves, we not only balance things out personally, we have empathy for when other people exhibit extreme examples of that quality.
For example, when I embrace little bits of me that I view as narcissistic but in reality are simply ways to protect myself from overwhelm and overload with taking on everyone else's "stuff," I feel more balanced and also am able to let go of ruminating over the person who triggered me because I can see this behavior within myself in some form or another.
This tool was a game changer for me. I find myself less reactive and as a result, there's less drama... and for me that is heaven.
So what's the word you landed on? If you are struggling with how on earth this part of you can be of service to establishing peace in your life, feel free to shoot me an email or book a session with me.
Have a great weekend!
Rise and Thrive Today With These 3 Tips
As you read this, the day is just starting or perhaps winding down. If it's the former, how do you want to construct today? What will it look like, sound like and feel like?
If it's the latter, recap the past 12 hours and ask yourself "what choices and actions led to this experience?"
Each morning something magical lies in front of us...a day that's brand new. It's never existed before this moment and never will again. Taking a moment to pause and take this thought in creates a sort of fragility within each moment... as though we hold the day in the palms of our hand with reverence.
We all have goals, dreams, and desires. These come to fruition through the methodical power of our daily rituals and choices. So how can we tap into the power we possess to create the realities we want? It's simple... use the power of intentional moments throughout the day.
Here are three of my favorites... and the bonus is they only take about 10 seconds each:
1. Upon waking, before you fully open your eyes ask yourself "What is my desire for today?"
The answer that comes to you might be intentions for your work and personal life or perhaps shifts in thinking and being. This is a biggie because it sets the tone for your entire day. If you don't believe me, just experiment with it for one week and notice any subtle changes in how you experience the day with your own thoughts and interactions with others.
2. Next, pick out your own personal mantra composed of 3 words of how you want to "BE" during the day. These words might be the same for the next six months or change from day to day. Examples might be:
Lovely. Elegant. Compassionate
Open. Intentional. Kind
Authentic. Grounded. Patient
(Extra Credit: Add an extra boost to this one by setting an alarm on your phone for midday with these three words to remind you to step into this mantra whenever you are triggered by situations or other people. Again, if this sounds too fluffy for you, just give it a try when you get thrown off your game. Literally, imagine yourself stepping into these words and see what happens.)
3. Finally, before you drift off to sleep, choose one question you want answered. Simply ask your inner guidance: "What do I need to know about XYZ?"
You may be amazed at what answers come to you as you drift off to slumberland or via dreams remember upon waking.
(Extra Credit: Keep a dream journal by your bed. Research shows the moment we begin moving our bodies and thinking thoughts those valuable nuggets of wisdom from our dreams go POOF and are gone from the conscious mind.)
I'd love to hear any tips you have that set the tone for your best days. Please share below!
p.s. For tip #2 I have a document to help get you inspired regarding your "BE" words. Email me if you'd like a copy.
p.s.s. If you enjoyed today's gem, please forward the email to anyone you know who would enjoy it as well.
Have a great weekend,
When I work with clients we go through a fun process I call "tune-ins." These are feel good exercises during the sessions, which allow us to tap into that secret part of ourselves only we have access to. Call it intuition, gut feeling, or Divine Guidance.... all that matters is that you believe in it, trust it, and expect it to work in your favor.
Every time I have a new client, I can get a bit nervous about their reaction and willingness to "go with me" on the process. Are they going to think it's "woo woo?" Will they be able to listen and receive an answer? Are they going to quit??
Every single time, it's completely the opposite. They are blown away with their ability to find their own answers with ease... and I am honored to be part of the experience. There is nothing like really tapping into and tuning into us at that core level. The place where there is only knowing, safety, and assurance.
Who do you consult when making a decision?
Is it the apprehensive part of you who makes choices based out of fear? Fear of what others will say or think? If so, how is that working for you?
Everything we say, everything we feel, and everything we do is either rooted in or created through fear... or faith.
Which do you choose? I bet your "inner guide" knows.
Have a great weekend!
Have you been called a Control Freak? Micro Manager? Bossy Pants or Chief??
I've been called ALL OF THEM!
It finally dawned on me perhaps it might make sense to investigate... and try to get control of this control issue. :)
What I discovered was my need for everything and everyone to be OKAY resulted in....exhaustion, stress, constriction, and wasted time. Why did (and at times still do) I have this need to control outcomes? Was it to prevent feeling guilty about putting my needs above others? Was it the fact that the collateral damage of others being unhappy while I followed my path was too much to bear? Or was I really just a control freak plain and simple?
Or maybe beneath it all I got a whole lot of satisfaction and reward out of being needed (or my perception of being needed!)
Pleasing others to the extreme somehow satisfied and satiated my desire to feel that I was enough.
Because if everyone was simply okay without my direction, what and who did that make me? What was left? Where's my purpose?
I like to equate it to this....
Like life, a river has twists and turns. We never quite know what is around the bend and what we anticipated would be, is the opposite. Life doesn't always turn out like we expected it.
This "life river" has rocky roadblocks and currents creating chaos, which can really take us off course.
It has mucky areas and damns where we get stuck.
And sometimes people are floating with us, while others times we are alone.
We have absolutely no control over the rivers. It has a life of its own. We do how ever have control over one thing, our decision to swim upstream or downstream.
When we swim upstream against the current, it's a struggle. We lose energy, feel drained, and most likely exist in survival mode.
When we chose to pivot and let the river carry us downstream, life becomes filled with more ease. It's not to say we won't encounter challenging areas, but because our energy reserves our high, we are able to navigate those sketchy waters with less effort.
Whenever I notice my energy is extremely low I realize two things. First, I need to take better care of myself.... and secondly, I need to let go of the grip. Both of these are 100% within my control.
Where are you swimming upstream? How is that working for you? What would it feel like to stop, turn, and let go?
P.S. Forward this on if you know someone struggling with control forward this on.
Have a great weekend!
Who is your favorite Super Hero? Mine was Wonder Woman... that is until my Mom bought me a wonder woman swimsuit at the age of 9. Unfortunately the boys at the West Side pool in my hometown relentlessly teased and taunted me shooting their wrists in the air dodging imaginary bullets... remember her super powered golden bracelets!
If you think about it we all have our "golden bracelets." Maybe it's your ability to listen and connect with others... or your ability to make others feel at ease... or your way with words in front of a crowd.
There is, however, one "Super Power" we all possess and it's pretty simple:
The ability to train our thoughts.
What do I mean by this? Think about your thoughts being a litter of puppies. Some of them are cute, cuddly, and pretty mellow... while others get into trouble from time to time. When that happens, we simply shepherd them back in with love and train them how to adjust.
The same can be said about our thoughts. When one goes on a tangent, which turns, into a rant, which turns into a two-day rumination, it doesn't feel good. The good news is we truly do have the power to simply decide to choose good thoughts.
Keeping our "thought lines" clean avoids disruption, angst, and upset... just like clean water lines allow for us to be healthy, hydrated, and clear.
Try This: What if for one week we made one commitment to ourselves and keep it simple with good thoughts... about ourselves AND others...
What would we lose?
What would we gain?
The answers are always so simple!
All is well,
Are you in denial of it for fear of the pain that will inevitably come?
Of course you are... we all are!
Who wants pain of any sort?
When it comes to emotional pain, we will do whatever it takes to keep it at bay...we will stay in careers, friendships, relationships, and habits simply because the future discomfort is too great if we make a change.
So we resist.
But we all know that what we resist, persists... and persists, and persists.
The sticky part of being a "disruption denier" is we are focused so tightly on what is in front of us for fear of what will happen if we let go, we don't see what is waiting behind us.
Kris Carr has a great analogy which I will try my best to share...
So often we are fixated on that cruise ship leaving the dock... the one we don't have a ticket for. We are are fixated on trying to control and change "what is" and get on that boat hell or high water that we become stuck, trying so hard to make things different... when all the while if we just did a slight pivot, we would turn to see a jet with a first class ticket waiting for us to board.
Where in your life are you resisting letting go when you intuitively know it must be done? What cruise ship are you holding on to so desperately?
Don't fear the disruption.
The disruption in our lives is simply an alarm clock waking us up to the idea that something different is possible.
Three quick steps to move away from denial:
All is well,
We recently had dinner with my parents and good friends when something my Mom said had us roaring with laughter. One of them mentioned it would make for a good "gem" so I thought I'd share...
The topic of conversation was about a corporate building recently erected. We were discussing the company who built it and what everyone around the table thought. I commented it wasn't something I would want to work in because the style to me felt a bit cold... another person had their opinions and so on and so on.
When the question of "what do you think" was directed at my Mother, without missing a beat she said with a bit of a royal flair (minus the hand wave).... "I accept it" topped off with a nod of the head.
Everyone erupted into laughter because it was so.... accepting.
What a foreign concept! There is something about "accepting" that feels healing. It's as if the simple action of saying, "I accept this," (and really doing so,) lets the air out of the gossip/drama bubble.
What would happen if we chose to "accept" rather than try to twist, manipulate and orchestrate the lives/choices/habits/mindsets/lifestyles of other people?
We might have more time to focus on ourselves by controlling what we can control. This inevitably provides us with the energy and courage to do what we know we must do.
When we surrender to "what is" it's as if the energy lifts. It's never about "them." Everything, as always, comes back to "us."
I accept that!
Have a wonderful weekend-
Someone recently gave me a book by Matthew Kelly titled, “Resisting Happiness.” In one of the chapters he highlights feedback from hospice nurses and the top things people regret during the last days of their lives here on earth.
Two stood out to me probably because I hear them from clients and I struggle as well.
The more I work with others and hear their stories, a predominant theme is the chameleon complex. This is when we shape shift and become what we think others desire us to be or do.
The problem is when we start living our lives this way, who we are at the core slowly over time begins to fade away.
It’s never lost, but instead goes into what you could say is a sort of hibernation. Kind of sad when you think about it.
So, why is it that we care so much about what others think of us and that we don’t have the courage to be who we are?
Answer these questions with either a yes or no. Don’t over think it… just go with your gut response:
BEGIN SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW. If your responses were predominantly “NO,” the answer really is simple:
Today, simply ask yourself whenever an opportunity, question or choice arises...
“What is my preference?”
This question can answer anything from how you spend your time to what you eat!
Have a great weekend!
What comes to mind when you hear the words self-care?
Whatever it looks like beneath, is probably a desire to hit the reset button for your head, heart and body.
When I think about "extreme self-care," I think about incorporating my friend Jen's acronym of MISS into each day because it's SIMPLE!
You could call these the BIG FOUR as it relates to "EXTREME SELF-CARE" because if all four are plugging along pretty good, then YOU are feeling much more than pretty good!
If you made the decision to really take care of you, how would you move your body each day? What would you put in your body? How would you manage stressful situations? How much sleep would you get?
Most importantly, how would taking care of YOU affect your work, your relationships, and your experiences each day?
Something to consider:
Post "MISS" on your fridge, computer, or bathroom mirror as a reminder that feeling good through self-care doesn't have to be an event or vacation or class... but instead, a way of being that sifts into each moment of our day.
Have a great weekend!
If you're like me, you listen to inspiring pod casts (a lot!), read books, and talk with others about creating more joy and success in our lives. There is something so cozy and calm about settling in for a long drive or a morning walk listening to stories, experiences, and lessons all focused on this idea of feeling good in our lives. It's the inspiration that sparks our imagination for new possibilities.
Let us not forget, however, while the listening, talking, planning, and preparation is all part of the process, without ACTION, everything fizzles away.
1. We don't have the energy to move forward, to do the things we know we must do to get what we want. Maybe it's because we are stuck in the past, worried about the future, in a vicious cycle of habits that don't work well for us, or simply because we are full of fear.
2. Sometimes we make life complicated. We think we have to chase and grab and fight really hard for what we want. In the process, we drain our energy and what is left is this sort of emptiness.
3. We suffer from the "perfection complex"...so we are hard on ourselves AND others...and it's exhausting.
Sometimes, we simply need a refresh.
A period of time to step back, evaluate the current state of affairs, imagine something new, and build the energy to move towards what we want with ease.
The fun part about the process is when we tap into our imagination and how we want to feel, that is where the magic can begin. When we engage these feelings ahead of time, on a regular basis, not only is the journey to our goal/desire a lot more fun, we probably arrive at our desired destination a wee bit quicker.
Something to ponder...."What do I need to do in order to move forward?"
P.S. I work with individuals and companies on hitting that reset button. If you need support in this area, reach out to me for a complimentary chat regarding my "Life Refresh" program.
Have a great weekend!
We all experience moments of elation within our lives. A child is born, we get the promotion, the doctor calls with good news about a recent test, or perhaps we wake up to a new way of thinking that allows us to forgive and move on. We all experience moments of elation within our lives. A child is born, we get the promotion, the doctor calls with good news about a recent test, or perhaps we wake up to a new way of thinking that allows us to forgive and move on.
I call these "High Energy Highlights."
It's during these times we have this sort of reverence for life where in that moment nothing can trigger us, bring us down, or keep us up at night ruminating over the same things... over, and over, and over. Our mindset only contains this adoration for life, a knowing of the fragility of it, and a realization of what is truly important.
The thought of reverting back to familiar ways of thinking and being in these moments is utterly foreign.... yet for some of us, inevitably it happens.
Maybe it's days, weeks, or months that pass by, but eventually we find ourselves falling into worn out ways of thinking and behaving:
During those sacred moments of elation where we are connected to our best selves...why do we revert?
My guess is we go back to what is familiar and as a result of being familiar...it's easy.
But though it may be easier... we are cheating our ourselves.
When we are able to fully take responsibility for our lives, we are then able to cultivate these good feelings on a more regular basis.
How cool would it be to release the need to control? Look inward rather than outward? Experience high energy highlights more often?
It's simple. We just have to remember.
"Stay right there" with those thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
A few years ago during one of my Circle Workshops, a client had the novel idea of calling an exercise we worked with to remove draining habits, "Rockin' Rituals." I love that.
I love it because the rituals we put in place during the day have a profound effect on how we view our day and really how we ultimately experience life. One of my favorite rituals is based off of Louise Hay's mirror work.
For those of you who've been to my home, you know what the "magic feel good mirror" is. I call it magic because no matter who looks at themselves in it, male or female, they say, "Hey this mirror is great! I look 10 pounds thinner!"
Isn't interesting how our days are "set" by how we perceive ourselves? What if we intentionally adjusted the view to our advantage? Mirror work does just that.
1. First, look in the mirror. Yes, at first you may feel a bit silly but give it a try. When you are looking at yourself, let down any barriers and really look deep into your eyes. You know how someone looks eye to eye with you, making you feel like you are the only person that matters at that moment? Be that person to yourself.
2. After about 30 seconds of silence, say out loud to yourself:
3. I give and receive unconditional love today.
4. I experience __________ today. (insert word that embodies what you need. It might be peace, joy, success, balance, etc.)
5. I am full of wisdom today.
Give it a whirl. You can mix up the mantras or words... what matters is that you connect... to you!
We have an infinite amount of power to create the lives we want... and it starts today.
Grace & Success,
Do you ever get a pit in your stomach and realize the root of the cause of the pain is caring about:
Why do we care so darn much and drive ourselves crazy just because people don't react the RIGHT WAY... or in other words, like WE would react?
I know I do!
Imagine for a moment how it would feel to be 100% you. Authentically you with no apologies. I mean the real deal.
What words would come to mind? Scary? Free? Can't even imagine?
I believe when we get to a place where we're able to be totally cool with who we are, we are then able to be vulnerable, speak our truth, and be okay with reactions from others that don't feel too hot.
It's like giving someone a gift. When they don't write a thank you, do we fly off they handle? Call everyone and go off on how grateful this person is and dig deep into WHY they are not showing appreciation and giving us what we want? Yes, a thank- you note would be wonderful but it's not going to throw us off the rails.
I have two words that might help... SO WHAT.
Imagine existing in a way that you are only attached to the joy that comes from giving freely and that the recipients reaction is irrelevant to the experience.
I'll give it a try too. :)
Grace & Success,
I completely understand your point of view... but what I was thinking was we should do it this way...
You did a fantastic job on that project... but next time I'd like you to...
Do you sense something "off" with those statements? I didn't until someone pointed it out to me years ago! When we take the time to genuinely compliment someone or agree with a certain point of discussion we can easily negate all that positive mojo with one word... BUT.
It's like working out for an hour, which makes us feel really good... and then downing a box of Krispy Cremes and a Big Gulp. :)
So how do we get our points across in a softer and more effective way?
I completely understand your point of view... how do you think that could mesh with other ideas from the team?
You did a fantastic job on that project... I was thinking going forward let's merge your expertise with trying "XYZ."
It's easy to forget that being on the receiving end of feedback can be a vulnerable spot. Rather than assume the receiver understands we appreciate them, why not pay attention to the words we choose.
Words hold energy. They have the power to build up your teams, families, and friendships... or push them down. So watch the "buts."
All is good. All is well,
I hear this a lot, from the mouths of clients and friends... and at times from my own. We all have parts of ourselves we wish to negate, push down, perfect, or polish up. At times it can get exhausting and downright depressing. So what if we simply stopped trying?
I have interviewed several people over the past month from a variety of backgrounds, careers, and stages in their lives on the "Magical Art of Feeling Good." One theme I've noticed is a deep desire for acceptance, of others situations and most often acceptance of us.
What I've learned from listening to people's stories is that SUCCESS begins to show up when we move from:
▪ Self-criticism to Self-love
▪ Guilt to Forgiveness
▪ Isolation to Connection
▪ Comparison to STEPPING INTO OUR OWN LIVES
When we arrive at this place of ACCEPTANCE, we begin to lighten up on others and ourselves. When this happens, the parts of ourselves we love begin to blossom even more, enveloping those "dark sides" within us.
What are you trying to get rid of?
Try just for today, allowing it to simply be. Rather than fighting that part of yourself, choose to love it. When we wrap our hearts around the painful parts of our lives, and ourselves the pain begins to dissolve away.
All is good. All is well,
Recently a friend shared insights regarding her at times challenging relationship with family members. Her message was profound as it centered around the idea of meeting others exactly where they are within themselves and their lives rather than where we desperately want them to be.
What do I mean by this?
|▪||You have a troubled relationship with your brother.|
|▪||You spend years trying to understand why he is the way he is.|
|▪||You spend countless hours staring at the ceiling playing over and over in your head the things he said and did to you.|
|▪||You regret the good "come backs" you could have really "gotten him" with.|
Do you sense something as you read this?
Does your body feel constricted?
If so, you're probably remembering that feeling of trying to control what cannot be controlled.
It's normal to desire an outcome that is different from the reality of the present situation... the questions is, "when does it become a losing battle?"
So how do we direct our control in ways that serve us?
Look back on your life.
How much precious time and valuable energy have you spent on trying to control others choices, behaviors, actions, and preferences?
Imagine we simply chose to meet others exactly where they were and instead turn all that powerful energy and valuable time towards OUR choices, actions, behaviors, and preferences.
Choosing to meet people where they are is a gift to them but also to ourselves. It's being okay with not agreeing with them but honoring them as their own person.
Who in your life are you trying to pull, push, prod or turn around? Is there anyone who is behind a door wanting to be left alone and you keep knocking?
What would it feel like to simply stop?
Would love to hear from you on this topic.
All is good,
I work with people from a variety of professions and backgrounds, yet there is one foundational question I begin with during our time together. It's one of those simple questions that you think would be so easy to answer yet it has the power to stop people in their tracks.
What Makes Your Heart Sing?
Think about that for a second. It's the one thing that makes you FEEL good. It's always there lingering beneath the surface of everyday responsibilities and schedules and life. It could even be your purpose in this lifetime. So often I hear people say, "What do I want?" "Why am I here?" "Who do I want to BE?"
So I ask them, "If you were asked to give a short talk on ONE thing that really lights you up, what would it be?"
Some answers I've heard:
|▪||Connection at a deep level with loved ones.|
|▪||Hitting my business goal for 2017.|
|▪||Trusting myself... and others.|
|▪||Forgiveness of others and myself....|
|▪||Shining a light on "XYZ" injustice that keeps me up at night.|
|▪||Letting go of the rumination and control.|
|▪||Living in the moment.|
|▪||Feeling good in my body.|
|▪||Waking up Monday morning excited about work.|
|▪||Feeling like I live my life on my terms.|
When we feel stuck, lost, or unsure about our lives it helps to focus our attention in a different direction. When we do, it's like we shift our energy and how we wake up and show up to life changes. (Bonus: We start seeing our goals/wishes/desires come to us more easily too.)
If you are struggling with your answer to my question, don't force it. Just sit with it and pay attention over the coming days to what topics/ideas/experiences perk you up. Soon, you will see a common theme... and make the choice to bring that theme to life more in your experiences.
Happy singing :)
My dog Birdie and I got stuck on our walk this morning in a rainstorm... fortunately for us we were a few minutes from our favorite coffee spot along Lake Michigan. The place is dog friendly... but not inside! So we hung around outside under the awning by the front door waiting for the rain to let up. As people came in and out, some would smile, others would go by a bit annoyed they had to move around Birdie to get in the front door.
One woman in particular walked towards us, using sign language. I eventually understood she was asking to pet the dog. "Of course!" I said and struggled to answer her in sign language...which I don't even know.... so we both laughed!
Shortly after, a new voice behind me suddenly said to the woman petting Birdie,
"Ummmm.... yeah.... can I get through PLEASE?" (can you feel the agitation and annoyance?)
Of course the woman didn't hear her.... which elevated the annoyance even more and "the voice" finally flew by in a fluster.
At first, I was livid. Who did this woman think she was? A few choice words came to mind. I mean really... just chill out!
Until I remembered... "Frantic Frannie."
Who is she? Well, um, she's actually, um, yeah... she's me.
When I get flustered, impatient, or completely anxiety ridden---- I've found using humor by blaming it on Frannie helps defuse my impatient energy at times. (hey, whatever works, right!?)
I created "Frantic Frannie" because I really wasn't attracted to this part of me.
I didn't like the sound of my voice sometimes.
I'm guessing the frantic woman today isn't too crazy about her voice sometimes either.
It got me thinking, how many times have I been "that voice?"
How many times have we become our own version of "Frantic Franks or Frannies" not realizing what's going on in someone else's world and instead choosing to believe their "clueless-ness" is intentional.
It made my heart hurt and stomach sink thinking about this woman enjoying a lovely moment while "Frannie" was fuming and shooting arrows at through her eyes.
We never know what people are dealing with or what kind of day they've had.
Later today I had a choice about the voice I wanted to be... and had "Coffee shop Frannie" to thank for the reminder.
I was in the store grabbing lunch and holding my ONE item when I was completely cut off by a woman as she steered her grocery cart into the "10 items" only line (I am pretty sure she had 20 :)
An older man looked over at me and rolled his eyes which made me feel very, VERY justified in my annoyance at the woman... momentarily.
I suddenly remembered the incident earlier this morning with my Frantic Fannie sister.... and dug deep with a few questions to myself:
|▪||"Maybe she's from out of town and didn't realize that aisle was for quick purchases."|
|▪||"Maybe that hanging plant was for her Mom who just moved into assisted living and it's been a really emotional day and she needs to hurry back."|
|▪||"Maybe her best friend is in the hospital and she's rushing to make dinner for her friend's family."|
It only took a few quick thoughts to move from "Frantic Frannie" to "Compassionate Candy." I think I like Candy better.
|▪||There is power in being in the moment.|
|▪||There is power in giving people the benefit of the doubt.|
|▪||There is power in believing everyone is doing the best they can.|
|▪||There is power in giving one another a break.|
|▪||There is power in getting over ourselves.|
What kind of voice do you want to be?
Meg... and sometimes Frannie :)
If so, what about trying something different? What about focusing on how great it feels to feel really GOOD. In fact, what if our morning mantra was something along the lines of, "I wonder how GOOD today could get?"
How do we go from "stuck" to feeling wonderful, light, luminescent, beautiful, confident, loved, free, elegant, inspired, alive, young, or lit up?
Perhaps it's focusing on what we want... or maybe it's even deeper than that. What are the feelings we feel when we get what we want?
When you get the job... how do you feel?
When you lose the weight... how do you feel?
When you win the lottery... how do you feel? :)
Could it be that tapping into those amazing feelings is not just for when the quota is met or the deal is made or the connection is created? That we can tune into those feelings every day if we choose to?
Hmmm. So in a way, we have the power to rob ourselves from these feelings, holding them in reserve for only moments in our lives.... OR we can pinpoint the feelings that light us up and ride that wave as much as possible!
Right here, right now... how do you want to feel? Come up with 3-5 words that describe how you want to feel in your relationships, your work, your home, your friendships.
Next, say them every day. It's what I called a "Mojo Mantra" and it has power... because words hold energy.
Let's take a "Mojo Moment" to reflect on this.... is wanting to feel the way we want to feel in our heads, hearts, and bodies unrealistic/ridiculous/out of reach?
P.S. Interested in being part of my research on the "Magical Art Of Feeling Good?" I am interviewing people over the next two months. It's a fun experience. Email me for details and/or Click here to book an "interview" via my online calendar
How good could today get?
So often inspiration for these gems come from experiences with clients who teach me so much about life, themselves, and in the process myself!
Not long ago, I had a client communicate she was filled with anxiety about an upcoming annual review at work. In the past, she reacted to "constructive criticism" with feelings of defensiveness, anger, and sensitivity. I asked her to be open to an idea I call the "eggshell meditation".... and her response was pretty much aligned with the title of this gem! Yet even so, she decided to play along and give it a go.
In essence, it's a short meditation on grounding yourself, relaxing, and imagining a soft boundary around your body. One that is "see through" but where you are safe from the sting of words and feedback that tend to wound our egos and spirits.
What's the purpose of the exercise?
It gives you the time and space to process. You can hear the words, but you don't immediately absorb them into the whirlwind of your mind and emotions.
What's the benefit?
For my client, it was the best review she had experienced in years. Not so much what her manager had to say, but the calm EXPERIENCE of receiving the feedback. She felt open, and her manager noticed the change. In fact, there was additional positive feedback after the review about her demeanor, communication, and behavior during the meeting.
|▪||Think back to a time when you had a similar situation and the feelings you felt were down right icky. What about the way you reacted fueled your negative feelings?|
|▪||Now think back to a time where you were able to feel grounded and detached from the opinions of others. How did that feel? Probably pretty good.|
Remember, it's a choice. We can choose to let others decide how we are going to feel OR we can decide. We have immense power in creating our own realities.
P.S. If you'd like my "eggshell" meditation, shoot me an email and I'll be happy to share!
Have a great weekend!
All is good-
Each week the lovely ladies at M Magazine email asking for a new Daly Gem for my blog on their site. Without that push, I tend to resist writing due to the fear of "What else can I write about?" or "Does anyone really care?"
I call this kind of block "Perfection Paralysis." It's when we put off what we really love doing until it's perfect... so we look good... so people like us... and compliment us... and we feel validated. :)
Think about the time and momentum lost on the road toward what we desire when we insist on "perfection before action."
What would happen if:
▪ The dishes could sit in the sink allowing you to get out the door a bit earlier? Maybe you'd enjoy your work commute without the pressure of being rushed?
▪ The work proposal didn't have to be reviewed 100 times before pulling the trigger? Perhaps you'd actually get picked for the project?
▪ Losing that last 10 pounds didn't prevent you from enjoying life? You might meet someone amazing at the party Friday night!
Where in your life are you trying to be perfect? How is that working for you? If not so well, I've got a great mantra for the situation..."Get Over Yourself!"
If everything were perfect... then that would kind of be "it." The contrast of life, the rush of expanding and growing would be in essence over... because you'd be perfect.
So whether it's the resume, book, screenplay, or dating site profile you are stalling because of "XYZ," challenge yourself to check it off your list by:
We are all imperfectly perfect... and that's the beauty of this crazy wild experience called life.
All is good-
We all have wishes, goals, desires, targets, and end games.
The fun part is in the planning and the "AHHH!" of achieving them, right?
So then what? The thrill is gone, new goals are devised, new quotas are established, and the push begins again.
What if, instead, we dug a bit deeper and got a little more joy?
What if we were able to locate, identify, and name the FEELINGS behind reaching that goal, achieving that wish, or bringing that desire to reality?
Vibrant. Successful. Confident. Beautiful. Magical. Grounded. Authentic. Feminine. Masculine. Healthy. Blissful. Confident. Secure. Safe. Peaceful. Happy. Supported. Loved.
You with me?
So what if then, we decided to focus on the feelings behind the goal on a day to day basis? What if we were able to tune in and tap into those "feeling words" when faced with a choice, challenge, or change in our lives?
One thought is we would probably make decisions more aligned with who we are and what we want. The path would become a little straighter, the race track a little shorter.
Try this exercise:
1. Identify three words that describe how you want to feel in your life.
2. Write them down and post them somewhere you'll see them every day.
3. When you are faced with a decision of how to react, what to say yes/no to, what to eat, who to let in or who to let go of... simply tune into those feelings and see which choice lines up with those "feeling words."
Once we decide to "show up" to life in a way that inspires us, a funny thing happens. Those goals, wishes, and desires seem to show up to us as well.
All is well, all is good-
A few years ago I was complaining to a colleague about my frustration with certain people in my life unwilling to commit. I expected a pat on the back from her... a "oh you poor thing," and if I was lucky, an agreement on how it absolutely was "his/her fault" and all about "their issues."
Did she deliver what I wanted? Not so much.
What she had to say was short and at that moment not so great to hear.
Huh??? "Wait a minute! I am totally committed to myself, to others.... this is NOT about me!"
Then, I took a breath and let her words sink in. Not with blame or judgement but more with curiosity. As I stepped outside of my own ego and really looked at myself at that moment in time, I quickly began to see the ways in which I was not committing to me. Once I had that awareness, it was nearly impossible over the coming weeks to not see where I was selling myself short.
It's very enticing to want to look outside ourselves for the reasons we get stuck, feel overwhelmed, or are simply not getting what we want in life.
Are you sick and tired of people:
▪ Taking advantage of you?
Before you shoot off the nasty text or begin venting to friends and family regarding "his/her" actions....STOP.... and choose instead to:
1. Make a list of everything you're frustrated with regarding the situation (I recommend three solid bullet points max.)
That, my friends, is the magic of the mirror!
Why do they feel better? Because a realization is made that we all have the power to create really great relationships and experiences.... that this power comes first from how we show up to ourselves. Once we value, honor, and respect our own minds through kind self-talk... our hearts through self-nurturing... and our bodies through self-care, it's very likely the people and experiences we allow in will match that "feel good energy!"
All is well, all is good-
Have you had moments in your life where things were CRAZY busy but you were having the time of your life? One of my realtor friends commented yesterday on how this time of year is the most frantic times of the year for home selling/buying... but she's having a blast.
It's important during these times to:
1. Stay grounded
How do we stay grounded when there is work to be done, deals to be closed, and to do lists to be checked off? It's all about intention. Whether time blocking, delegating smaller items to a virtual assistant, or remembering to self nurture ourselves (massages, working out, Netflix!) there is power behind intentionally creating our days... not letting our days create us.
2. Be Aware of Self Sabotage!!
This is a biggie. You have been dreaming, embodying, visualizing etc etc etc what you really desire for your life... and then BAM! it's here. Do you celebrate the success and then get to work? Or do you become overwhelmed, hide out and dive into a bag of chips??? Be aware of the power of imagination and the jolt of energy that comes with creating what you imagine! It's your choice whether to create more momentum and move forward or to become paralyzed with that fear of greatness/success/achievement. We want it... but can we handle it? Yes you can... with awareness of your soft spots!
3. Remember What Worked
Reminding ourselves of the CHOICES that led to your present day success is key. Once you are aware of what works for you, you simply rinse and repeat with different experiences in your life. Maybe what worked for you was going to bed early, or working out in the evening rather than morning, or removing something from your diet to elevate your energy, or choosing to say "no" more? Only you know what creates alignment and balance within yourself. YOU are the expert.
So bring on the crazy fun! It's the juice of life so enjoy every drop.
All is well, all is good-
A really great by product of what I do is the ability to clearly see the parallel between my own roadblocks and those of the clients I work with. What I mean by this is when I help individuals work through their own "stuff" like fear, judgement, and procrastination, it sheds a light on my "stuff" as well!
Take for example, the idea of stepping outside that rim of fear that surrounds our safe and familiar and at times "ho hum" type of living. That space where things feel okay but a bit stagnant and there is lack of movement and flow. Something is off, but we can't quite put our finger on it. While this way of existing may feel comfortable, there is something about it that also feels empty and a bit draining.
To step out of that space is clearly scary but something we know we MUST do. Even if we can't articulate WHY, we know it could be a game changer.
Recently, I gathered the courage to "walk the walk" rather than staying in that safe zone of "talking the talk" or as Brene Brown would say, I got "in the arena." It's easy to help others see where their blind spots are... not always so much when it comes to ourselves.
My "opportunity for growth" came in the form of a professional opportunity I've been resisting for quite some time due to fear of rejection, looking ill equipped, or simply out of my element. Fortunately, however, I had that little voice in my head & gut saying "you MUST do this" along with certain individuals I believe are my "earth angels" offering support. The result from that one moment of saying, "I'm In" was beyond my wildest dreams and very quickly created a ripple effect to additional opportunities.
What I can tell you without doubt is that when we make a conscious choice to try something different (even when it scares the heck out of us) by taking 2 steps beyond that rim of fear, the universe/God/energy takes 10 steps towards us. It's almost as though they are saying "Well hello, so glad you finally showed up. We've been waiting for you with so many good things to share!"
So where are you afraid to start walking rather than talking?
One of my friends recently realized her desire for finding love outweighed her fear of stepping outside the "familiar alone zone" and into hiring a matchmaker. Talk about putting yourself out there!
Maybe for you it's exploring other career options, trying stand up comedy at amateur night, or having a difficult conversation with your boss.
Today, mare the choice to gather up the courage to elevate yourself beyond fear and into your purpose and joy!
All is well, all is good-
How often do we wake up thinking about a specific "to do," meeting, or obligation and say....
▪ "Well this is going to suck!!"
▪ "I am getting anxiety over it already"
▪ "Why does this always happen to me?"
Chances are, you are stuck looking at the expansive gap... in other words, the space between where you are and where you really want to be.
So how do you shorten the gap? How do you lighten your energy and begin looking at things in a more positive light?
You step into who you are at your core. Your gifts. The essence of what make you special.
When was the last time you really thought about your gifts and the immense power they have to create connection, success, and joy for yourself and those in your world? Today, write down your top 5 gifts. Next, rather than approaching the work meeting, your schedule, or a touchy conversation with a sense of gloom and doom or with the need to be right... how about choosing to instead simply "be" your gifts? Bring those to the table and see what happens.
p.s. If you are interested digging deeper into your own gifts, I have a powerful Values Tool I use with clients and in my workshops. Email me today for details!
All is good,
As human beings, we tend to put a great deal of pressure on ourselves to perform, be “on,” to please others, and to perfect our lives and schedules. There’s a whole lotta “shoulds”swimming through our minds. These “shoulds” have the power to pull us off the tracks! Sometimes it’s quite awhile before realizing we are actually living our lives based upon rules dictated by others and society.
What would your life be like if you tried, just for one week, to throw out the shoulds and simplify everything based around the question of “how does this feel for me?”
Think about your morning routine for example. You may feel you SHOULD:
▪ mediate for 30 minutes upon waking
▪ workout for an hour before work
▪ prepare a home cooked breakfast for everyone
I’m not saying all the above aren’t healthy and fabulous ideas! My point is make sure it’s YOU who is choosing the activity because it fuels that best part of you.
Maybe meditating is appealing but stresses you out trying to fit it into your morning routine... and as a result you start to judge yourself. That’s basically the opposite of what meditation is meant to do for you! Solution? Choose to make your day a mediation using moments like standing in line at the grocery store or bank to quiet your mind.
Working out before work is a chore? Think about incorporating movement throughout your day by taking the steps, walking on your lunch hour, or hitting the gym on the way home from work to catch a class you’ve been wanting to try?
The key is figuring out what inspires you. We all have enough of the “to do’s” on our list that are inevitable. Why not protect your personal & precious time by choosing what makes your heart sing?
All is well, all is good!
These aspects are part of who you are and when used in healthy ways, can benefit you personally and professionally to create more success, purpose, and connection with others.
Have you noticed as well that sometimes these aspects of yourself, when not kept "in check," have the ability to unground, detach, and pull you away from your center...and as a result bumping you down a notch?
You're experiencing some "highs" or "wins" with work or in your personal life. It's one of those "up" periods in your life when things are "in sync" and aligned. Don't you just live for those moments? Knowing these moments exist is what makes the low points in life bearable!
Inevitably, you receive a phone call or meet for coffee with a loved one or colleague who is experiencing not so great of a period in their life. You might call it a "low energy" chapter. Maybe they're dealing with insecurity, anger, resentment, or competitiveness. As if almost on auto pilot, you sense their feelings, (even before they have verbalized them!) and dive into the work of "making it right" for them. Helping them step out of the space they are in. And how do you do it? By joining in the misery. Maybe it's mirroring what they are feeling with inflated examples of your own insecurity, resentment, etc.
Why does this happen? Probably because you feel what others feel ... and when they feel "off," you want to scoop them out of their funk. The truth is, what ends up happening is you devalue yourself in order to make the other person feel better.
They are uplifted, their energy gets a shot of your magic juice and off they go...leaving you a little lower, a bit drained, and off your "high."
If this sounds familiar, do you see how ineffective, inauthentic, and just silly the whole scenario is?! If your answer is a resounding "YES!" then hallelujah!
Your "YES!" is called "awareness." Many times that's all that is needed to start pivoting towards behaviors and choices that keep you in the groove, Staying in this groove allows you to share your gifts in a healthy way with others without depleting you.
All is well. All is good!
How many times a day are you stuck in your head? Have you found yourself laying in bed staring at the ceiling trying to be "right," trying to figure out why someone did something or said something. Pretty soon it's 3am, your heart is racing, and you head hurts.
My question is, how is this working for you? It really held me back for years.
In order to get out of the "rumination wheel rut" we first must become AWARE of how this is holding us back, make a DECISION to do something different, and most importantly take ACTION.
If trying to always figure things out (aka "overthinking") is keeping you stuck, and you are ready to do something different, all you now need to do is take action through a tool that works for you. Perhaps it's meditation, talk therapy, or creating morning and evening rituals to move you into more of grounded mindset.
Often there is fear with change. Even if our current circumstances are less than desirable, it's scary to step out of that familiar place. When years of a certain behavior, such as rumination, are what we know, it's difficult to step away from that way of thinking/living/being because what's on the other side is unknown.
When we do step outside of that space, however, gifts begin showing up.
My challenge to you today is whatever you are overthinking, whatever you can't let go of, whatever grudge you're holding on to, wherever forgiveness is lacking, choose one tool to act upon and watch how things begin to change!
All is well,